In Memory of Jake

May 1988 - November 27, 1997

This page is dedicated to my precious Border Collie Mix, Jake. My goal is to share what I went through after his tragic death and to help others who are grieving over the loss of a beloved pet.

Jake was the most loving and intelligent dog I have ever known. He loved me and would have died to save me. He was my friend, my protector and my son. Losing Jake is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Not being able to say good-bye or give him a proper burial has been the hardest part. The following is an account of how I lost the Best Dog Ever.

On Thanksgiving morning, 1997, I let my four dogs out as I had done for 9 years. They would romp through the wood and come back for breakfast. On this morning I heard two loud gun shots. I panicked because Jake was terrified of loud noises. I ran out of the house and called for the dogs. Three of the dogs came back, but not Jake. I was frantically calling for Jake as the other three ran around me. I looked down and saw blood. Hershel, my black Lab mix, had been shot in the tail and was bleeding badly. I was alone and began to call neighbors, family and friends.

My neighbor came over and kept looking for Jake while I rushed Hershel to the vet. When I got back home my family and friends soon arrived and we began combing the woods. We located 2 deer hunters on adjacent property. They said they had not seen any dogs, but would not allow us to go on the property. Paul Bennett was the property owner and one of the two hunters was Paul's son, Mark Bennett.

I contacted the Forsyth County (NC) Sheriff's Department for help. My vet in Walkertown, NC was contacted by a deputy and said that Hershel's wound did not look like a gun shot. I knew he had been shot! The deputy who came out refused to take any action based on the vet's statement. The deputy would not even go to Paul or Mark Bennett and question them.

I went to Paul Bennett and asked if I could go on his property and look for my dog. He refused and warned me not to go on his property at all. He was the most hateful person I had ever talked to. We continued searching for Jake on adjacent property, but found no trace.

On Thanksgiving night I again searched the woods looking for Jake. What I found was Paul Bennett sitting on a fold-out chair at the edge of his property holding a high-powered rifle. He said, "I thought you'd be back." He told me that if I came on his property I'd be looking down the barrel of his gun. I got on my knees and begged him to just let me have Jake's body. I explained to him that I had no children and that Jake was like my son. He still refused. I asked him if he saw my dog would he please contact me. He replied, "Hell no!"

The next day I got Hershel home from the vet. I examined him closely...something I had not been able to do the day before. He had a line about a quarter of an inch wide and approximately 8 inches long running down his back to the base of his tail where he had been shot. It appeared to me that a bullet had grazed him down his back and then into his tail. Even though my vet said he had not been shot I KNEW HE HAD! I had heard two gun shots very clearly. I took Hershel for a second opinion.

We saw Dr. Pamela Schill who examined Hershel and said it appeared to be a gunshot wound. Dr. Schill took an X-ray and found lead fragment all around the area Hershel was wounded. She was convinced he had been shot. As a precaution, she took another X-ray to make sure that it was not a defect in the film. The second X-ray also clearly showed lead fragments.

I returned to my vet and asked to see the X-ray he had taken on Thanksgiving morning. It too showed lead fragments at the wound. I pointed this out and he said it was only a defect on the film. I explained that I had taken Hershel for a second opinion and the X-rays taken had the same "defect". He said it was "absolutely not a gun shot wound". I was devastated. I trusted this man with all my animals and he would not admit even the possibility that he was wrong. I took all my pets medical records from the vet's office that day and never went back and never will.

I called the deputy that had been to my house on Thanksgiving morning and told him about Dr. Schill's findings. He told me to contact Forsyth County Animal Control officers. I did. They also did very little to help me. They contacted Paul Bennett and he told the animal control officer that Jake was vicious and had tried to bite his wife and in the same breath said he'd never seen my dog.

Throughout all of this I continued my search for Jake. I drove miles checking the roads for any sign of him...I put up posters...I placed a lost dog ad in our newspaper...I contacted local television stations....I went door-to-door. I felt dead inside. I needed to know if Jake was dead or alive. The not knowing was the most awful feeling I've ever had. I felt guilty. I knew Jake would have given his life to save me. I felt I had let him down. With all this inner turmoil I still had to care for Hershel and my other pets. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of insanity. I couldn't eat or sleep.

To make matters worse, Paul Bennett repeatedly drove by my house. I live on a dirt road that is not a convenient "cut through". He had to intentionally make an effort to come this way. I felt like he was purposely tormenting me.

Daily, I called the animal control officer asking if he had any news...he had none. Exactly two weeks after the shooting Paul Bennett finally allowed me and some friends on his property. We searched for hours for any sign of Jake. There was none. I knew nothing else to do.

In the following days I played Nintendo just to keep my mind occupied. I had no energy for anything else. If I left the house I constantly looked for Jake. Every morning I expected to find him outside waiting for me. For months I checked the lost and found section of our newspaper and responded to any ad for a found dog that was black and white. I was always let down when I heard the person say, "No, this isn't him." I felt helpless.

Exactly one month after Jake disappeared, on December 27, 1997, I had to put my 12 year old cat, Dudley, to sleep. He had developed a tumor on his spine and became paralyzed. He was unable to urinate or defecate and could only drag himself around by his front paws. I was still in shock over losing Jake and now I had to make the painful decision to put Dudley to sleep. I stayed with him through the procedure and had him cremated afterwards. I have him in a beautiful wooden urn with his picture on it. It hurt terribly, but at least with Dudley I had some closure.

Handling Jake's situation was very different. I didn't feel like I could let it go. People began to tell me I should move on. I feel like my life is divided into two parts...before Thanksgiving and after. Before I was happy and content and now I feel dead inside.

I had some really good friends that understood my love for Jake. They stood by me and helped in more ways than I'll ever be able to repay them for. Sometimes I'd just call and cry...but they never complained or told me to let it go. They knew Jake was more than a dog to me. He was, and is, my son.

I began seeing a therapist. She had me begin writing about Jake and the feelings I was having. I had a memorial service for Jake on April 25, 1998. We planted a tree in our front yard...told stories about Jake, read poems and cried. The plaque that is at his tree says..."There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of one small candle...JAKE"

November 27 was nine years since Jake's death. I'm still not over losing him...I never will be. I can't believe he's been gone so long. My heart is still aching...the sting is still as sharp as it was when it happened. A part of me died along with Jake. I'll never be the same. It's like losing a child and not knowing exactly what happened and not finding a body. I always wonder if Jake is out there somewhere. I wonder if he suffered. I wonder if he knew how much I loved him.

We have put up a fence around our property. I will not let this happen to any of my other dogs. Hershel has since passed away. We have other dogs now....Luke, a Sheltie/Border Collie Mix, Allie Grace, a Border Collie/Aussie Mix and Bosco, a Jack Russell Terrier. I've done all the things I know to do to move on, but the pain remains. The feeling of having a huge hole in my heart remains. The questions remain.

Please learn from what happened to me. Do whatever it takes to protect your "babies". The world can be a cruel and vicious place. There are many people out there who have no regard for the feelings of others...People who don't care about life or anyone other than themselves...People who can live with the grief and heartache they cause other people. Don't let this happen to your animal. The pain and guilt it causes is almost unbearable.

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